很大同学们在复习托福写作的时候，不是很清楚托福写作具体的高分原因。今天我们就通过一篇作文修改前后的对比，让大家更清晰的了解到托福写作满分作文的优点。NO.1原文TodayistheMid-AutumnFesti
很大同学们在复习托福写作的时候，不是很清楚托福写作具体的高分原因。今天我们就通过一篇作文修改前后的对比，让大家更清晰的了解到托福写作满分作文的优点。
NO.1原文
TodayistheMid-AutumnFestival.Averytraditionalfestivalforpeoplecelebratingtheharvestandenjoyingfamilytime.
Almosthalfresidentsinourbuildingbacktotheirhometowninthisshortvacation.
Becausenotsomanyapartmenthavelightsontonight.
IcalledmymunthismorningtowishherhappyMid-Autumnfestival.
Unfortuantely，Igotsomebadnewsaboutmygrandmother.
Mymuntoldmesheisverysicksincecoupledaysbefore.
Theyareallgoingtothecountrysidewheremygrandmotherislivingtovisither.
Ireallyhopeshewillgetbetter.Mygrandmotherissuchakind-hearted，warm，courteous，generousoldlady.
As82yearsold，shehasbeenthroughalot.Butsheisalwaysoptimistic，positiveandopen-mind.
Mymunalwayssayingsheadmiremygrandmothersomuch，shedoesn＇tthinkshecanbeasgoodasmygrandmotherintermsofalotsthings.Forexample，bepositiveandopen-minded.
Ofcourse，therearesomegoodthingshappenedtoday.OneoftheseisIgotmyHongkongpermitthisafternoonwhenIalreadygaveupandfoundanotherillegalwaythatmyfriendtoldmetogetintoHongkongtomorrow.
Mikeseemshappierthanme，becausehewasworriedaboutthat＂illegalway＂willcausetroubleforus.
Yes，heisasuchcuteandtimidguy.Istillrememberhewassoscarediftherewerecopsnearbyduringthetimewhenhehasn＇tgothisworkingvisayet.
No.1被修改后
TodayistheMid-AutumnFestival；atraditionalfestivalforChinesepeoplecelebratingtheharvestandenjoyingfamilytime.Duringthisshortfestival，almosthalfoftheresidentsinourbuildingwentbacktotheirhometown.Iamawareofthisbecausetherearen’tmanyapartmentswithlightstonight.Aftertakingalongshowerthismorning，IcalledmymumtowishherahappyMid-Autumnfestival.Unfortunately，Igotsomebadnewsaboutmygrandmother.Mymumtoldmeshehasbeenverysicksincecoupledaysbefore.Theyareallgoingtothecountrysidewheremygrandmotherislivingtovisither.Ireallyhopeshewillgetbetter.
Mygrandmotherissuchakind-hearted，warm，courteous，generousoldlady.As82yearsold，shehasbeenthroughalot.Butsheisalwaysoptimistic，positiveandopen-mind.Mymumisalwayssayingsheadmiresmygrandmotherquitealot.
Ofcourse，thereweresomegoodthingsthathappenedtoday.Afterwaitingforalmosttwoweeks，IfinallyreceivedmyHongKongvisathisafternoon.Ihadgivenuponreceivingit，especiallysinceafriendhadalreadysuggestedanillegalwaytogotoHongKongwithoutavisa.Mikeseemsrelievedbecausehedoesn’thavetoillegallygotoHongKongwithme.Yes，heissuchacuteandtimidguy.Istillrememberwhenhedidn’thavehisworkingvisa，hewouldgetnervousatthesightofthepolice.
备注：被修改后的文章里删除了原文里的一句话“Mymomdoesn＇tthinkshecanbeasgoodasmygrandmotherintermsofalotsthings.Forexample，bepositiveandopen-minded.”因为美国朋友说这句话看不懂也实在不知道怎么修改...
